| my back hurts. | |||
| 09:13pm 26/04/2003 | |||
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i kinda feel like i'm running on empty lately. i really miss aric. it's tearing me apart, but there's only 10 more days, and i'll be happy again. and on thursday (or maybe even monday) i'm moving, so time will go faster after that. today i was thinking about the car trip down here from new york. aric isn't looking foward to it at all, but i really am. i think it's gonna be a lot of fun. i wish i could get my mom to lend us her digital camera though. i woke up so frigging early today. i can't even believe i was up that early. and it was POURING rain. i've lived in florida my whole life, and i've never seen it rain like that before. it was nuts. work was not so bad today. it went by quick (not that i was there for very long today) and wasn't overly stressful. libby got into a box of pudding mix last night during the couple hours i slept. there is now bright green putting mix in the carpet. i vacuumed the dry stuff away, but now i gotta scrub the rest. i'm pissed. this really sucks. |
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| 32 bucks later | ||||
| 02:14am 26/04/2003 | ||||
my mom called me a while ago. she's mad at me because i told her she could borrow my camcorder, but she'd need to get a tape, and she neglected to buy a tape and i won't let her use the one that's in there. i told her i was having a bad night and she asked if i cleand the room. *sigh* |
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depressed| i'm a loser | ||||
| 01:31am 26/04/2003 | ||||
crying in bed is not > or = to sleeping. i was trying to go to sleep, but then the phone rang. i got really excited, but it was only my cousin dialing the wrong number. :( then i ate some fresh veggies and looked at some forums, which brings me to here. i'm really lonely and restless and i don't know what to do with myself. i really want to talk to aric, but he doesn't want to talk to me right now. i understand, but i'm still a little hurt. i hafta get up at 5:30 in the morning to go to the airport for my mom's sister-in-law's dad. that's 4 hours away, and i still can't sleep. i think i'm gonna do a little online shopping. while i don't think getting some cool stuff will make me much happier, hey, i'm still getting some cool stuff. |
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| it's times like these... | |||
| 01:11am 20/04/2003 | |||
| ...that i wish i never existed. | |||
| Read 2 - Post | |||
| oh no, not again... *moan* | |||
| 11:06pm 19/04/2003 | |||
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[ Current Clothes ] slice of ny tshirt, black pants, white socks, orange undies, white bra [ Current Mood ] bleh [ Current Music ] the cure [ Current Taste ] veggie pizza [ Current Make-up ] none [ Current Hair ] bandana on my head [ Current Annoyance ] sisters, back hurting [ Current Smell ] boogers [ Current Favorite Artist ] against me!, jets to brazil, nofx, and nerf herder is slowly weaseling it's way in there [ Current Desktop Picture ] carrington vanston's night punks [ Current Book you're reading ] something by camus (i can't remember the title, they all start with "the" [ Current CD in CD Player] "why do they rock so hard?" - reel big fish [ Current Refreshment ] diet coke [ Current Worry ] too much stuff to do, not enough time, and yet time is moving SO SLOW! LAST PERSON... [ you touched ] judy at work [ you talked to ] sister [ you hugged ] my mom [ you instant messaged ] aric <3 [ you yelled at ] my sister [ you kissed ] aric FAVORITE... [ food ] ice cream, pizza, rice, chips and salsa [ color ] blue, pink, tan, black, silver [ animal ] tortoise [ tv show ] i don't watch t.v. anymore, although i enjoy snl [ movie ] fight club [ dance ] i don't even know ONE dance... oh wait. electric slide!! woo!!! WHO DO YOU WANT TO... [ kill ] nobody (although i ALMOST would kill nick at work) [ slap ] nick, my sisters, tony at work, im sure there's more... [ get really wasted with ] the only times i ever wish i was REALLY wasted are when i'm lonely, but the only person i trust myself to get REALLY wasted with is aric [ look like ] me [ talk to offline ] aric [ talk to online ] aric [ in the morning i am ] crazy [ all i need is ] love [ love is ] wonderful (but sometimes painful) [ i'm afraid of ] aric realizing what a loser i am, losing the few people i really love [ i dream about ] aric -HAVE YOU EVER- [ pictured your crush naked? ] yes [ actually seen your crush naked ] yes [ been in love ] yes [ cried when someone died ] not that i can think of [ lied ] yea, but it's pretty rare from me -WHICH IS BETTER: [coke or pepsi] pepsi [flowers or candy] flowers [short or tall] my height -WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX- [what do you notice first?] eyes [last person u slow danced with] for that, i must go all the way back to middle school, and even then i don't remember [turn ons] smart, nice, funny, named aric -WHO- [ makes u laugh the most? ] aric [ makes you smile ] aric, my mom, joe, sohel, my brother, my dog [ gives u a funny feeling when u see them] a good funny feeling or a bad one? [ who do you have a crush on? ] aric? is it still a crush if we're together? [ has a crush on u? ] nick did before i started treating him like shit [ is the easiest to talk to ] aric, my mom, joe -H A V E .Y O U .E V E R- [ fallen for ur best friend ] yes [ been rejected ] no, because i was always to scared to ask [ rejected someone ] yes [ used someone ] no [ been cheated on ] no [ done something u regret ] yes -DO YOU//ARE YOU- [ smoke cigarettes ] yes [ drink alcohol? ] rarely [ like watching sunrises or sunset ] yes [ what hurts the most? physical pain or emotional pain? ] emotional, because it's harder to fix [ trust others way too easily? ] sometimes, but i usually know when to be suspicious -N U M B E R- of times i have had my heart broken? 1 of hearts i have broken? not many i'm sure of girls i have kissed? 0 of boys i have kissed? 3 of continents i have lived in? 1 of close friends? about 4 of cd's that i own? dunno of scars on my body? one huge one on my back, a few burn scars here and there and the usual little kid accident scars of things in my past that i regret? not many, as i'm working my way towards happiness now I WANT: may 7th to be right now I HAVE: too much on my mind sometimes I WISH: things were always convenient I MISS: aric I HEAR: your mom I SEARCH: for happiness I WONDER: why life is so hard sometimes I LOVE: aric I ACHE: after work. headache, backache, etc. my heart aches when i can't talk to aric. I CARE: about a lot I ALWAYS: give people a chance to be my friend I AM NOT: tan I DANCE: haha I SING: in the shower like i'm good at it. I CRY: myself to sleep sometimes I DO NOT ALWAYS: show up on time to work I FIGHT: with my family a lot I WRITE: not as much as i used to I WIN: rarely I LOSE: stuff I CONFUSE: myself I LISTEN: to whoever needs an ear I CAN USUALLY BE FOUND: at my computer, at work, or in bed I NEED: aric! now!! I AM HAPPY: with aric I SHOULD HAVE: not filled this out. |
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| i hate waking up everyday. | ||||
| 12:43pm 19/04/2003 | ||||
i seriously need to start drinking more water. not even just "more" water. i just need to start drinking water. i used to drink so much, but now i survive solely on diet pepsi, lucky charms, and pizza. perhaps i should just change my whole diet. |
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blah| this is how i spend my friday nights | ||||
| 11:09pm 18/04/2003 | ||||
last sunday i went boating (god that sounds funky for some reason) with my family, and it feels like it was months ago. it was good times though, i hope to do it again with aric. it's not too terribly expensive to rent a boat for a day, and it really is fun. sarasota is prettier from the water than the land i think. and i saw dolphins! i really think aric would like it. since then i've been doing basically nothing except working. monday night i had the store by myself (joe had a stack of paperwork about 8 inches high he had to go through at home). we did really good i thought. i like being able to sorta run the show. and i enjoy cooking a lot. it's just a little stressful when the only other people there don't know how to do ANYTHING. nick's just too fucking stupid to do anything right, and his brother, while totally opposite of nick, is still new. but it was still a decent night. tuesday i had off work. i can't even remember what i did. wednesday i worked 8 hours. it was good. yesterday i didn't work as much. today i worked 8 and a half. business is definitely picking up. yay for that. christopher got a tattoo on thursday which just makes me want a tattoo even more. i'm gonna wait though. i just remembered what i did on tuesday. i woke up late, then went to work to get some moola, then the craft store. then i came home and picked up my sister and my dog. one had to go to the vet, the other had to get a pee test. i'm not really sure what i did that night, but i'm sure it was worthless. i can't get enough of this song. i've decided i'm changing my name, hehe. first: against middle: me last: rules then my name will be "against rules" without my middle name. aric's mom sent me stuff for our apartment on wednesday. i LOVE it. i made everyone in my family look at it. tomorrow i might get some dishes. dunno. 18 days! that's less than three weeks til i see aric. i'm so excited. i just wish time would speed up a little. |
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okay| todayyyy | ||||
| 11:09pm 08/04/2003 | ||||
salad pizza is the best invention since the microwave (which is kinda funny, since salad pizza would never go in a microwave (it's meant to be served cold)). joe's never met aric, but he thinks he'll like it down here. i hope he's right. i think i sorta take for granted all the things florida has to offer since i've lived here my whole life, so i only focus on the bad (rain, heat, ugly palm trees, etc.). i want to have a bbq. i can't wait to see aric. i thought about that a lot today. tomorrow i'm going to walmart, and maybe the mall. i work at 4, so it'll be a MUCH shorter day. |
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exhausted| To Do on Wednesday: | |||
| 10:50pm 07/04/2003 | |||
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*call cable company about modem *call PP? *mall? *apply to publix for aric *check hospital for jobs *go to Wally -razors -jalapeno seeds -tomato seeds -potting soil -telephone/answering machine? -flip flops -check prices on king size comforters -sponges add more later. |
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| 03:31pm 06/04/2003 | ||||
today i hung out with jen for a while. i went and ordered chinese food, and while i was waiting for it, i took her to show her the outside of my apartment. everytime i go there, i find something new to love about it. today i was showing jen mine and aric's future back yard, and the water, and we found some steps that go right down to the water. it was so cool! and there were turtles and a really big fish in the water. i want to get a canoe. also, when we were leaving, we saw a big turtle crossing the road, so we stopped the car and got out to look at it closer. we followed it to where it was going, which was a big hole in the ground. it was awesome. then we walked around this lot that had some trees on it and some water behind it (but not the same water that goes through our backyard), then picked up chinese and came back here. my dad was being a dick, so we just locked ourself in my sister's room (my temp. home) and talked for a while. it was fun. i hadn't seen jen in a REALLY long time. if my pants aren't dry yet, i'm just going to have to wear them wet i think, because i'm going to be late if i don't. |
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| it's so early | ||||
| 09:58am 02/04/2003 | ||||
...but it's not my bed time that's REALLY affecting my sleep. it's my fucking family. monday morning, my sisters intentionally missed the bus, and i had to drive them to school. yesterday, my dad was trying to be helpful by calling to make sure i was up for work. that's all fine and dandy, but i didn't work til noon, and he called at like, nine. this morning, my sister bugged and bugged me til i finally caved in and told her i'd take her to school. that's the thing about my sisters that pisses me off to no end. fuck, i wouldn't give them anything if i could help it - it's not exactly like they EVER do anything for me out of the goodness of their heart. but they never EVER fucking lay off... they'll bug and bug you till you HAVE to say yes, just to get them to leave you the fuck alone. it's especially bad in the morning, because they wake you up EVERY FUCKING 2 MINUTES to ask you to take them to school, or if they can borrow your car, or whatever. this is all before 6 AM too. pisses me off TO NO END! the other night, colie was telling me about something my sisters did that i couldnt even believe: the day my family found out that my dad's cancer was terminal, my sisters asked my mom if they could take her car to the beach. i would think that that's already bad enough... i mean my mom was grieving - crying and shaking and shit - they could've at least stuck around to support her (i know i would've). but that's not nearly the worst of it. my mom said no, and they continued to do their rutine, begging and begging anyway. mean time, my mom is still crying and stuff. then stacy gets up and goes in her room, because she's the type of kid to sorta remove herself from a situation that annoys her. emily, on the other hand, can't just let things be (stupid, selfish, uncaring, heartless bitch). after begging my mom for a few minutes more, she realizes that this tactic isn't gonna work, so she makes a new plan. she starts telling my mom that she needs her friends' support at this time.... that's the most FUCKED UP thing i think i've EVER heard!!!! conniving bitch. but in other news, i get to show my mom mine and aric's future appartment on saturday. i'm pretty excited about that. in 35 days, i get to go up to buffalo and help him move down for the summer. i'm so frigging excited. i miss him so much!! i go to sleep thinking about us living together every night, and i have pleasent dreams - too bad they're always interupted by my sisters. work at noon today - i'll probably be there until 8 or so, and then i'm supposed to go hang out with jen. i haven't seen her in months, i'm excited. it just sucks, because after work i'm always so tired, and i just wanna sit around and like, do nothing. or tonight, i'd really like to work on my website. perhaps i'll do that after i hang out with jen. i really want to get that going soon. |
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sleepy| shitty poem for class. syllabic verse = the devil. | ||||
| 09:05am 05/03/2003 | ||||
Creep two legs up, leaving six others on solid ground. Flowing like a tattered silk slip under water. But there is no water here. Only a layer of moist black dirt, covered by your webbing. You move so smoothly along the ground. Smooth like cool sheets against sunburned skin. You are soothing to the eye. Like a hair veiled octopus flowing over land. Sleek and steady, slow except for feeding time, when you become an eight leg-ed lioness, pouncing unsuspecting prey. Delicate yet deadly. Awkward, yet so graceful. You are the paradox of the animal world: a spider. -Amber K. Pepe |
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| oh man oh man oh man! | ||||
| 12:31pm 22/01/2003 | ||||
last night after much discussing, aric and i decided that we could have a long distance relationship (he lives in buffalo). he's coming down on the 5th!! this morning he sent me flowers... i'm not accustomed to feeling this happy. i feel like my brain might explode or something! i've been walking around all day grinning like a maniac... it's insane.  and they came with a card that's like, the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. EVAR. i'm blushing like a fool. oh man. BZZZZZZZZZ that's my brain going haywire. and yes, i'm aware that i listen to this song far too much, hehe. |
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loved| oh man | ||||
| 11:32am 19/01/2003 | ||||
so my friday went like this: *cut my hair (while talking on the phone, damn im good) *hang out with jen a little bit *try to talk jen into coming to miami with me and calling off work *go to wally world to buy a shirt *get home, and write "i <3 the mambo" on the shirt *get dressed, put on a little make up, do my hair (which styles nicely now that it's much shorter in the back), get all my shit together, and go! the trip there took about 3 hours, and once i was in the city i got a little lost and had to call mambo for help. then i found my way there and met the mambo... he's really really cool. i felt really stupid though, because i didn't come with anybody, and i didn't really talk to anyone while i was there except mambo... i just don't know how to talk to people i've never met. i spent a good deal of the night sitting on the curb smoking and talking on the phone to aric (who also talked to mambo). most of the bands there to fill up time before against me! sucked... a lot of hard core stuff. but oh man, when against me! came on, everyone crowded in... it was just so cool! i video taped it and am sending copies to a bunch of people (so far it's mambo, mitch, aric, and sherri). while i was there, i got an against me! tshirt (the monkey one) and the cds "CRiME" and "reinventing axl rose." all of them are excellent. after against me!, i said goodbye to mambo (who's real name i finally know), who's one really cool mother fucker, and hit the road. i got lost on the way home (aric says it's because i was on the phone when i shouldn't have been), and ended up in west palm. it added almost 2 hours to my trip (i got home around 6 am). yesterday all i could talk about was friday. i went bowling with jen last night though, it was good times. hehe, we bowled two games, and my scores were 41 and 32. god i suck. in my mind i make it okay though because i'm shitty at bowling, but at least i'm decent at pool. i got home from bowling and hung out with jen a little more. i showed her part of the against me! tape. she wasn't that interested, but oh well. after she left, i was supposed to get high with my brother, but we didn't. then i talked to sherri for a while (she just got a webcam, so yay for that), and we played the emote game. it was hilarious. okay, this is now officially the longest entry ever, so i'm gonna go play literati with daik0n. |
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cheerful| 12:25pm 17/01/2003 | ||||
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enthralled| of pot luck dinners and boredom | ||||
| 09:15pm 15/01/2003 | ||||
i'm kinda bored and kinda tired... i kinda redid my userinfo, so maybe some people with similar interests will find me. my new bio sounds so stupid, but i really can't think of anything good to put there. and i can never think of what i'm interested in when i'm trying to think about it... i should just start writing these things down. in other news, poetry class is not as bad as i thought it would be... i mean, i'm not really into contemporary poetry, but the teacher is really cool... there's this boy in my class that i just want to hit though! you can soooo tell he just doesn't want to be there, which is fine, but he should maybe make it a little less obvious... i mean, it was his choice to take the class. he just like, laughs at stuff the teacher says (that's not meant to be funny), and is just very obnoxious. my goal was to be in bed by 9:30, but when i set it, i knew it wouldn't happen. it's almost 9:30 now! but 10:30 is still within my reaches... i just need to get off the computer and do a little homework. |
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full| i want a spider!! | ||||
| 08:00am 15/01/2003 | ||||
in other news, last night i sat outside and chainsmoked and talked on the phone to aric... now that' REALLY dying of boredom. SMOKING IS BAD!! and just now, a rock hit my window... it's so funny, my room mate's friend comes by and throws rocks at the window to let us know he's here. i love it! what else... hmmm... i have poetry class tonight. i don't know how i feel about that. i still hafta do the reading... and then after poetry class, my floor is having another pot-luck. i'm bringing candy. it should be fun. after that, i might go watch lilo and stitch in the court yard, i dunno though. i'd really like to see it. in other news, sherri rocks, and i love her cd. speaking of cds, my room mate and i are putting together some cds for ourselves, right now we're working on "monica and amber's clash cd." we're also gonna do one like that for the cure, and then just some random 80s stuff, and then just some none-mixed cds. it should be fun. i have spoken!! |
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| ZAH | ||||
| 09:26am 14/01/2003 | ||||
last night i went to bed pretty early, but i couldn't sleep, so i just laid there for a while. i think all the coffee i drank during the day was finally catching up or something... i mean, i was SO tired, but just couldn't sleep. heh, and i kept dreaming about my german test, and waking up all night. when i got back from german, i figured it was probably too early for the mail to come, buti checked it anyway... and was thrilled to see i had a package. i knew instantly that it was sherri's cd... i've never gone from the mail room to the package pick-up room to my room so fast in my life. she wrote me a letter and a play list and the cd is GREAT so far... i'm only on the 6th song, but so far i LOVE what i'm hearing. i can finally understang sherri's obsession with the crush and mark mallman. i don't have another class until about 3... i think i might take a nap, and possibly go for a walk (heh, POSSIBLY), and more than likely make some coffee. when i get back from class (it's two periods, so it'll be almost dark when i get out), i think i'm gonna cut the back of my hair. it always grows out funny. but i'm not touching the front of it, i like how it is right now. i think i might grow my bangs out... i dunno. ohhh, now onto dillinger four... huzzah!! that is all. |
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| 11:08am 12/01/2003 | ||||
 What's your brand of sexy? brought to you by Quizilla i wouldnt exactly say im foxy... and the time spent in the bed wouldnt all be spent doing 'you know what'... i like to just sit around and talk and maybe cuddle... but it's basically pretty acurate. |
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kloud |
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Friends Info Calendar Go Eat A Spamwich |
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